Journal #2

I'm kiiind of trying to mimic the structure on page 31! Here it goes.

     Jonathan Barr wiped the thin layer of sweat from his brow and slowly tilted his head back .  If he hadn't known any better, he would have guessed she was a gobbling turkey.
     "Exyuse me, Mistuh Baw," drawled the blonde with enough hair to make a blanket for a small child, "Ah've beeyun noticin' that yew ain't really beeyun payin' me much mine durin' this heeyuh conversation.  Ah really wood lahk ta git these heeyuh paypuhs signed!"
     Mr. Barr slowly thumbed through the mountain of divorce papers that lay under a thin film of dust on his desk.  The glare of his client dug under the hair and skin on the top of his head, but he paid it no mind.  He deliberately took his time in finding the folder labeled "Gwendolyn Adams" before removing it from the stack and placing it in front of him.
    "Oh-kay Mrs. Adams, less see wha'I kin do foa ya taday! Kin I ask ya why yeh choosin' ta git a divorce?"
   "Weyull, mah previous husban' just stopped lovin' me! He tol' me that he didn' much cayuh fo' my hayur, the way Ah dreyus, o' the way I tawk! He reckoned that it was annoyin' o' somethin'!"
   "Oh deah Mrs. Adams, seems to me like we got us a real unfoartunate prablem on ah hands.  I would love to fix this up quickity-split foa ya! Tell me, ah the people in yoa community also oafferin' ya assistence?"
     "Oh why yes of coase! Everyone a' church, a' my church tha' ah used ta go to wid' mah husban', have been hayelpin me so much! Ah jus' moved heeyuh an' it's already lahk Ah'm part o' the family!"
     "Mrs. Adams, the people at yoa husband's church ah takin' yoa side?"
     "Mistuh
 Baw, if you love the lawd an' you talk real southen' an' yew brin' deezert when it's yo turn, people repect ya aroun' heeyuh!"
     Jonathan Barr looked up at Gwendolyn through his square, wire-rimmed glasses, and let out a long, deep sigh.


So my idea for this was a Jewish divorce attorney from New York and a nice lady from Alabama modeled after my darling aunt Lauren.  Here are the rules:

SOUTHERN ACCENT
I >>> Ah
Ar/Or at the and of a word >>> A/OW
ing >>> in'
you >>> yew
or >>> oa (pronounced more like O-wah)
nd >>> n' OR ne, depending on what the word ends with
Or (as a word) >>> o'
I like to add "y"s in the middle of some words to add that southern drawl.  I have to say it first and then write out what it sounds like...

JEWISH NEW YORKER
-ear >>> eah (pronounced EEyuh)
our (the word) >>> Ah (like our, but drop the R)
our in "your" or the word "or" >>> oa (Same as southern accent but more nasally)
a like in "can" >>> I like in "it"
the O sound in "you" >>> a